Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
The unvailing...
Tomorrow I have the bandages removed, and get a glimpse of the scar revision on my neck. I am apprehensive because it is so swollen. I know it will take time to heal; I must be patient.
I have all the confidence in the world in my Plastic Surgeon of choice.
Worked late and have an early meeting, but can't stop listening to music. I LOVE IT!
ME
I have all the confidence in the world in my Plastic Surgeon of choice.
Worked late and have an early meeting, but can't stop listening to music. I LOVE IT!
ME
I miss Gibson O. Smoak, an amazing husband, faithful, loving, and a gentle soul...
═══════════════ ೋღ♥ ღೋ ═══════════════
♥ If you miss someone that's in heaven, put this as your status ♥.
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I miss you, darling, today, yesterday, and tomorrow...
Love,
Your wife,
Paula
♥ If you miss someone that's in heaven, put this as your status ♥.
═══════════════ ೋღ♥ ღೋ ═══════════════
I miss you, darling, today, yesterday, and tomorrow...
Love,
Your wife,
Paula
Sunday, April 24, 2011
My Husband
My son came to me Wednesday night to bring me some medication for a surgical procedure I had done that day. During his visit, he randomly ask me if I had his Daddy's blue brush? I told him it was probably somewhere around there; I would look for it. He also mentioned the white brush his Daddy had and ask me to look for that as well. He said he was letting his hair grow out a little.
Moving forward to Easter Sunday, I am sitting at the vanity drying my hair when I start to open drawers and cabinets looking for the brushes. I found the blue brush, just as he left it. It had dust on the handle and his hair in the bristles. I put the brush to my nose and immediately got the scent of Gibson's hair, and began to cry. At that very moment, the song playing on my CD player was, "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face". I've told our children how I sang that song to their Daddy on the beach, not long after we met. I knew long before he did that I loved him, and yet he grew to love me more than anyone can imagine, even me. I sent my son a text message and told him I had found the brush. He responded with, how about the white one? I told him, not yet, but explained my phenomenon with the smell of the hair. I asked him if he wanted me to remove it, or did he want it. He never answered me. This is a Goodys brush, probably cost two bucks, so I'm desperately trying to figure out the significance to my son. I put it in my purse, and met Hunter at church and later, at Bonnie and Roy's. I told Kristen about it, and while Hunter, Danielle and I were taking pictures, she smelled it, but said it smelled like my purse. She too remembered the smell of her Daddy's hair. I picked it up, and no longer did I smell his scent.
I tried to give it to Hunter, and he said, "later, Mom". I asked again what he wanted me to do, and he said, "do what you need to do Mom". He's such an amazing son. I drove home, pulled into the garage, pulled the brush from my purse trying to decide, do I leave it in the car, or take it inside? Once again, I put it to my nose, and the scent was back. You see, this was just for me today. It was not meant to be shared with the children yet.
What is my message? I am so darn analytical. I don't think things happen by chance. Is he just letting me feel his presence, or is their something I am doing that is disturbing him? Is that my own guilt? Gibson was a very jealous man in life. I have to believe that in death he would want me to be happy, but I know he loved me so very much he would never want to see me walk into the fate of pain and misery.
I am such a blessed woman, and I mean that with all of my heart and soul. I love my children so much; they are amazing. I ask myself, why Lord, why is that not enough? Why am I lonely? Why do I long for touch, and love? I shall keep asking, and I believe God will show me the way...
Moving forward to Easter Sunday, I am sitting at the vanity drying my hair when I start to open drawers and cabinets looking for the brushes. I found the blue brush, just as he left it. It had dust on the handle and his hair in the bristles. I put the brush to my nose and immediately got the scent of Gibson's hair, and began to cry. At that very moment, the song playing on my CD player was, "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face". I've told our children how I sang that song to their Daddy on the beach, not long after we met. I knew long before he did that I loved him, and yet he grew to love me more than anyone can imagine, even me. I sent my son a text message and told him I had found the brush. He responded with, how about the white one? I told him, not yet, but explained my phenomenon with the smell of the hair. I asked him if he wanted me to remove it, or did he want it. He never answered me. This is a Goodys brush, probably cost two bucks, so I'm desperately trying to figure out the significance to my son. I put it in my purse, and met Hunter at church and later, at Bonnie and Roy's. I told Kristen about it, and while Hunter, Danielle and I were taking pictures, she smelled it, but said it smelled like my purse. She too remembered the smell of her Daddy's hair. I picked it up, and no longer did I smell his scent.
I tried to give it to Hunter, and he said, "later, Mom". I asked again what he wanted me to do, and he said, "do what you need to do Mom". He's such an amazing son. I drove home, pulled into the garage, pulled the brush from my purse trying to decide, do I leave it in the car, or take it inside? Once again, I put it to my nose, and the scent was back. You see, this was just for me today. It was not meant to be shared with the children yet.
What is my message? I am so darn analytical. I don't think things happen by chance. Is he just letting me feel his presence, or is their something I am doing that is disturbing him? Is that my own guilt? Gibson was a very jealous man in life. I have to believe that in death he would want me to be happy, but I know he loved me so very much he would never want to see me walk into the fate of pain and misery.
I am such a blessed woman, and I mean that with all of my heart and soul. I love my children so much; they are amazing. I ask myself, why Lord, why is that not enough? Why am I lonely? Why do I long for touch, and love? I shall keep asking, and I believe God will show me the way...
Saturday, April 23, 2011
P!nk - I Don't Believe You
Check out that wedding dress! Love the song... I don't believe you, but you know it...
Good Morning
Yesterday was a very nice day.
In the afternoon, I watched Bridges of Madison County, and oh my goodness, did I cry like a baby. I felt their passion, their love, and their pain when they departed. I know what it's like to carry that love, through life, always wondering "what if". It makes you want to cease the moment and love deeply every chance you get, but ONLY if the passion and love is there, even knowing in the end. you may be hurt again. As the old saying goes, "It is better to have love and lost, than to have never loved at all...
In the afternoon, I watched Bridges of Madison County, and oh my goodness, did I cry like a baby. I felt their passion, their love, and their pain when they departed. I know what it's like to carry that love, through life, always wondering "what if". It makes you want to cease the moment and love deeply every chance you get, but ONLY if the passion and love is there, even knowing in the end. you may be hurt again. As the old saying goes, "It is better to have love and lost, than to have never loved at all...
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Miserable Night
I don't know when I have had such a sleepless, painful, miserable night. For something so small, the pain was so intense. I bet I didn't sleep 2 hours total. I look and feel like heck today. Looks like there will be rescheduled appointments today. Even my tummy hurts from the medication I took every three hours.
All in the name of "Beauty"... My goodness...
All in the name of "Beauty"... My goodness...
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
I had a revision of the scar on my neck today, due to the lovely work of Dr. Suh. NOT!
I had it done under local anesthesia, with some nausea and anxiety medication. I was still pretty nervous. I am excited about the potential for a nice straight line, that fades with time, and is not attached to my muscle.
I am so ready to get back in shape, and start my Salsa Dancing. Who knows, I may meet the dancing partner of my dreams, while having an awesome time. :)
I had it done under local anesthesia, with some nausea and anxiety medication. I was still pretty nervous. I am excited about the potential for a nice straight line, that fades with time, and is not attached to my muscle.
I am so ready to get back in shape, and start my Salsa Dancing. Who knows, I may meet the dancing partner of my dreams, while having an awesome time. :)
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Romans 12:9-10
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:9-10
Romans 12:9-10
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Friday Night
Kelley and I went to Huc A Poos on Tybee last night. It was the first time I had ever been there. We had a really nice time, except the band cancelled at the last minute, so not much dancing.
I met a 6'3", blonde, blue eyed, captain of a yacht. He was such a gentleman. We slow danced and he told me how beautiful I was. A woman loves to hear that. :) He ended up buying me one too many glasses of wine, combined with the shot of patron Kelley got us, it was all downhill from there. I immediately got sick. My head was spinning like it has never before. We went outside and crossed the parking lot, where I sat on a tree stump, the rest was not a pretty picture. How nice to have a complete stranger hold my hair back, and keep telling me, "you'll be okay, Princess".
Needless to say, I woke this morning with one heck of a headache. No more patron for me ever!!!
I met a 6'3", blonde, blue eyed, captain of a yacht. He was such a gentleman. We slow danced and he told me how beautiful I was. A woman loves to hear that. :) He ended up buying me one too many glasses of wine, combined with the shot of patron Kelley got us, it was all downhill from there. I immediately got sick. My head was spinning like it has never before. We went outside and crossed the parking lot, where I sat on a tree stump, the rest was not a pretty picture. How nice to have a complete stranger hold my hair back, and keep telling me, "you'll be okay, Princess".
Needless to say, I woke this morning with one heck of a headache. No more patron for me ever!!!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Beautiful Saturday Afternoon Ride...
I took a ride today with the top down in the corvette. It was such a beautiful day, with the sun and the wind in my face, and music for my ears. I am a happy woman. Sunshine is good for the body. :) Love is good for the soul...
Friday, April 8, 2011
Friday Morning
As I reflect this morning, I have so much to be grateful for. Thank you God, for the life you gave me, for all of it's challenges that have made me a better person; for the most amazing children and grandchildren, whom I love with all of my being.
I love music so much. It speaks to the soul within me, even if it's a sappy love song, doesn't mean I'm sad, just means I can relate on some level to that feeling. I am so glad this world has such wonderful, talented artist that express themselves, many though their own life experiences. It lets us know, we are not unique in the burdens we carry; this is a temporary place, called life.
I also love to dance. It's another place where I can feel the music, and express my emotion through the movement of my body. I am a very sensual dancer, and although I have never had a lesson, that is something I would love to do one day soon. I've only been dancing once in the past 6 months. That's gotta change. It makes me happy, and isn't that what life is about, doing things that make you, and others feel good.
My heart still has a void for now, but I trust that when the time is right, God will send me a good, decent, faithful, honest, man, similar to the one he called home six years ago. I trust he wants that for me, but he first wanted me to know me and to love myself. I have spent my life as a co-dependent, taking care of others. You lose your identity in that role. This has been a painful journey, but I do love myself and I'm getting to know myself better and better everyday. I want to be the best I can be with the gifts God gave me, never taking anything or anyone for granted.
Until later,
Paula
I love music so much. It speaks to the soul within me, even if it's a sappy love song, doesn't mean I'm sad, just means I can relate on some level to that feeling. I am so glad this world has such wonderful, talented artist that express themselves, many though their own life experiences. It lets us know, we are not unique in the burdens we carry; this is a temporary place, called life.
I also love to dance. It's another place where I can feel the music, and express my emotion through the movement of my body. I am a very sensual dancer, and although I have never had a lesson, that is something I would love to do one day soon. I've only been dancing once in the past 6 months. That's gotta change. It makes me happy, and isn't that what life is about, doing things that make you, and others feel good.
My heart still has a void for now, but I trust that when the time is right, God will send me a good, decent, faithful, honest, man, similar to the one he called home six years ago. I trust he wants that for me, but he first wanted me to know me and to love myself. I have spent my life as a co-dependent, taking care of others. You lose your identity in that role. This has been a painful journey, but I do love myself and I'm getting to know myself better and better everyday. I want to be the best I can be with the gifts God gave me, never taking anything or anyone for granted.
Until later,
Paula
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Jennifer Lopez feat. Lil Wayne - I'm Into You (2011)
Na na na na na na na na na yeah (x4)
[Lil' Wayne]
Hi, I’m Tune, the man on the moon
I live on the beach, get the sand out ya shoes
And all of that changed since I met you
So we can leave that old shit in the restroom
Ok, I’m into you, like you never knew
I’m falling for you baby, I need a parachute
So wet, I need a wetsuit
You’re way too fly, I could be ya jet fuel
Now tell me what you like
I like what you tell me
And if you understand me, you can overwhelm me
It’s too late, it’s too late
Every finish line is the beginning of a new race
Young Money!
[Jennifer Lopez - Verse 1]
You got me and I could not defend her
I tried but I had to surrender
Your star got me under the spellbound
Left me no other choice but to get down
It's too late (x4)
You got it (x4)
[Hook]
When I look into your eyes it's over
You got me hooked with your love controller
I'm tripping and I can not get over
I'm feeling lucky like a four leaf clover
Cos i'm into you
I'm into you (x2)
Yeahhh
I'm into you (x3)
Yeahhh
[Jennifer Lopez - Verse 2]
Na na na na na na na na na yeah (x4)
Listen, i'm strong baby I bring the fight on
Sharp shooter you can call me the cyon
I'm not the one easy to get to
Jennifer Lopez I'm Into You lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/jennifer-lopez-im-into-you-lyrics.html
But all of that changed baby when I met you
It's too late (x4)
You got it (x4)
[Hook]
When I look into your eyes it's over
You got me hooked with your love controller
I'm tripping and I can not get over
I'm feeling lucky like a four leaf clover
Cos i'm into you
I'm into you (x2)
Yeahhh
I'm into you (x3)
Yeahhh
Na na na na na na na na na yeah (x4)
[Bridge]
I’m not burning and I’m feeling you boy
Get it on if you feeling my world now
I love the way that you moving
And I’m listening to how you grooving
So if you need me, just call on the cruise
We can be whatever that you want in the news
Boy, cause I’m on it and you on it
So we just tell me now
[Hook]
When I look into your eyes it's over
You got me hooked with your love controller
I'm tripping and I can not get over
I'm feeling lucky like a four leaf clover
Cos i'm into you
I'm into you (x2)
Yeahhh
I'm into you (x3)
Yeahhh
Na na na na na na na na na yeah (x4)
Cos i'm into you
I'm into you (x2)
Yeahhh
I'm into you (x3)
Yeahhh
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Enrique Iglesias - Ring my bells
"Ring My Bells"
Ring my bell, ring my bells..
Ring my bell, ring my bells..
Ring my bell, ring my bells..
Ring my bell, ring my bells..
Sometimes you love it
Sometimes you don't
Sometimes you need it and you don't wanna let go..
Sometimes we rush it
Sometimes we fall
It doesn't matter baby we can take it real slow..
Cause the way that we touch is something that we can't deny
And the way that you move oh it makes me feel alive
Come on
Ring my bell, ring my bells..
Ring my bell, ring my bells..
You try to hide it
I know you do
When all you really want is me to come and get to
You move in closer
I feel you breathe
It's like the world just disappears when you around me oh
Cause the way that we touch is something that we can't deny oh yeah
And the way that you move oh you make me feel alive so
Come on
Ring my bell, ring my bells..
Ring my bell, ring my bells..
Ring my bell, ring my bells..
Ring my bell, ring my bells..
I say you want, I say you need
I can tell by your face, you know the way it turns me on
I say you want, I say you need
I will do what it takes, I would never do you wrong
Cause the way that we love is something that we can't fight oh yeah
I just can't get enough oh you make me feel alive so come on
Ring my bell, ring my bells..
Ring my bell, ring my bells..
I say you want, I say you need
Ring my bell, ring my bells..
Ring my bell, ring my bells..
I say you want, I say you need
Ring my bell, ring my bells.
Monday, April 4, 2011
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