"One of the surest ways to have a dark cloud looming over your head is
to hold a grudge against someone. Whether it be your parents, a former
(or current) boss, friends, or strangers. Holding on to past hurts is like
holding on to a giant boulder. The boulder holder feels more pain and
burden than the other will ever know.
However justified you may be, or however enormous the hurt, it is always possible to forgive.
Forgiving
doesn't mean saying that the offending act or words were OK. It also
doesn't mean keeping that person or people in your life, afterward. If
you can't be sure the act won't be repeated, keeping that person around
would be like keeping a wolf around your pet chickens. Even if you tell
the wolf "No!" sternly, he's probably going to scarf a chicken as soon
as you turn your back. You can forgive him, then gently escort him out
of the hen-house.
If
you have forgiven someone, you no longer feel the extreme pain, anger,
or sadness when the topic of what they did is brought up. You've already
made peace with it inside of yourself. You can still inform someone of
it, but your tale will be devoid of those emotions, almost as if it
happened to someone else.
Forgiving
often requires compassion. If we can understand why someone acted a
certain way, we can usually let our own anger dissolve. Not why we
assume they acted that way, but why they actually did. Sometimes, it's
not possible to know why someone acted a certain way. In those
instances, the easiest way to let it dissolve is to know that "they just
didn't know any better."
