Dreams

They can be so vivid, and so heartbreaking when you wake up to the truth.  I, once again, dreamed of my brother, Charles last night, several times.  When I woke, I just cried.  We were in church, all of his siblings, doing some kind of skit.  Charles kept forgetting his lines.  I apologized, and he spoke up in anger cursing his disease, using the lord's name in vain.  When he finished, I told him he owed everyone an apology; he was in God's house.  Pastor Brooks began to ask him if he had been given liver stints, (never heard of one of those for a liver), about a liver transplant, etc..  I began to cry, as I explained to him he had to have supervised sobriety of 6 months before he was a candidate.  He would not make it that long.  The Pastor said it was nothing to be ashamed of, and I argued that I doubt anyone would admit to the disease of alcoholism.  Then I polled the church and at least 50% of the hands came up.  I was amazed by the honesty and compassion of the congregation. My brother wept, we all did.  It was then I realized he was already gone. :(

I miss you, Charles.  I'm sorry that I didn't have more compassion for you.  I hope you have forgiven me.  Love, Your Sister Paula